Chuck Norris

1. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
2. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
3. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
4. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
5. Chuck Norris's immune system single-handedly defeated the German army. The rest of the war was just for show.
6. Chuck Norris's hard nipples on a cold day are the best way to cut through diamond.
7. Chuck Norris once impaled a man with a single one of his pubes
8. Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole exept Chuck Norris he eats black holes. they taste like chicken
9. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. death just never had the guts to tell him.
10. Bruce Lee killed Chuck Norris in the way of the dragon. to bad he died shortly after.
11. The titanic didn't sink because of an iceberg, Chuck Norris was just out for a swim.
12. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
13. Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
14. Daddy didn't take her T-bird away... Chuck Norris did.
15. Chuck Norris is so strong that not only does he hold the whole world in his hands, but he also holds the holds the entire univerise.
16. There is a little Chuck Norris in everyone. No really. Listen to your inner Chuck Norris and roundhouse kick yourself in the face. 
17. Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow. 
18. Chuck Norris's dog picks up its own sh!t because Chuck Norris doesn't take sh!t from anybody
19. Chuck Norris doesn't THROW UP after a long night of partying...He THROWS DOWN!!!
20. Once while having sex in a trailer chuck norris's sperm accidentally got into the engine, you might know this trailer as Optimis Prime.
21. Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice
22. Chuck Norris invented the phrase" put a foot in your mouth"
23. chuck norris has never kicked anyone's ass, but the mear sight of him makes you kick your own ass
24. When God sneezes, people say Chuck Norris bless you
25. Chuck Norris knows what Bo doesn't 
26. Do u know how giraffes were born? Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a horse in the neck!
27. There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who never met Chuck Norris!
28. Who would win the race between Batman and Superman to the moon???Chuck Norris
29. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing