I think we can forge a key!!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Fly joke!
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax---OH MY...!"
Then silence.
Soon, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee and she spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
Then silence.
Soon, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee and she spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Chuck Norris-2-
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times
China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
This is the best!
Two guys wanted to go for a drink, but only had a dollar. One of them looked to a simply stands with hot dogs nearby and suddenly it comes to inspiration. They spent the dollar on hot dogs. Throw the bun and the sausage sticks in his pants.
- We go into a bar, order two beers and drink them. When the bartender ask us for money, I'll bring the sausage on the slit. You will fall in the knees and start sucking it. The bartender will be so disgusted that we will get us out off the bar.
They go in a bar and the trick works like magic After the seventh bar, when both were well drunk, one of them starts to cry:
- I started to make bruises every time I fell on my knees!
Friend replied:
- You say you have problems? I lost the sausage four bars now!
- We go into a bar, order two beers and drink them. When the bartender ask us for money, I'll bring the sausage on the slit. You will fall in the knees and start sucking it. The bartender will be so disgusted that we will get us out off the bar.
They go in a bar and the trick works like magic After the seventh bar, when both were well drunk, one of them starts to cry:
- I started to make bruises every time I fell on my knees!
Friend replied:
- You say you have problems? I lost the sausage four bars now!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Pregnant appetite:)!
A pregnant wife wakes up at midnight:
- Husband, I have big appetite for snails!
Man goes to the park, find some snails that he puts in his pocket and on the way home he met a former girlfriend that invites him to her house. The man accepted, spent the night at her and realizes he forgot about his wife.
Got home, remove all the snails from the pocket and places them in front of the door.
- Where were you, you bastard?
- Come on, guys, come on, we're almost there...
- Husband, I have big appetite for snails!
Man goes to the park, find some snails that he puts in his pocket and on the way home he met a former girlfriend that invites him to her house. The man accepted, spent the night at her and realizes he forgot about his wife.
Got home, remove all the snails from the pocket and places them in front of the door.
- Where were you, you bastard?
- Come on, guys, come on, we're almost there...
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Facebook knows no age:)
Grandmother was dying, she called her grandson at bedside and said:
- Grandson, I want you to inherit my wealth. Villa, farm, stud horse, tractor and allpets plus those 22 million will all be yours
- Wowww! exclaimed the nephew. Thanks Grandma, I did not know of such afortune. Where is the farm you talk?
Grandma responds, giving his last breath:
- On Facebook ....
- Grandson, I want you to inherit my wealth. Villa, farm, stud horse, tractor and allpets plus those 22 million will all be yours
- Wowww! exclaimed the nephew. Thanks Grandma, I did not know of such afortune. Where is the farm you talk?
Grandma responds, giving his last breath:
- On Facebook ....
Policemen joke:)
Two policemen find three grenades into a pit.
1: What do we do with them?
2:-We take them to the police.
1:-And if one explodes on the road?
2:-We say that we found only two
1: What do we do with them?
2:-We take them to the police.
1:-And if one explodes on the road?
2:-We say that we found only two
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Life within a couple.
- I finally reached a deal with my wife. One day I go shopping, one day her.
- And are you satisfied?
- Of course! We drink a day, a day We eat.
- And are you satisfied?
- Of course! We drink a day, a day We eat.
Everybody is happy
a Muslim, a Christian and a Jew found a suitcase full of money and are not sure how to share them:
-Muslim says: "I say we draw a line, throw the money up and drops on the line are for God and the rest divides us."
-Christian "is not good, better make a circle, which fall outside divides between us and what is inside the circle is for God."
-Jew "is not good either way, better throw the money up, God takes as he wants and the rest is ours"
-Muslim says: "I say we draw a line, throw the money up and drops on the line are for God and the rest divides us."
-Christian "is not good, better make a circle, which fall outside divides between us and what is inside the circle is for God."
-Jew "is not good either way, better throw the money up, God takes as he wants and the rest is ours"
Arab joke
-Name?
-AbdAlRazhd
-Sex?
-Three to five times a week.
-No, no, I mean male or female.
-Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
-Holy cow!
-Yes, cow, dog, even sheep.
-But isn' t that hostile?
-Horse style, doggy style, any style!
-Oh dear!
-No, no, deer run to fast!
-AbdAlRazhd
-Sex?
-Three to five times a week.
-No, no, I mean male or female.
-Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
-Holy cow!
-Yes, cow, dog, even sheep.
-But isn' t that hostile?
-Horse style, doggy style, any style!
-Oh dear!
-No, no, deer run to fast!
Kids Joke:)
Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
Q. What has 4 wheels and flies?
A. A Garbage truck
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